Cecilia Horner rekindles love of piano at PFW

As the Gene Marcus Piano Competition application date gets closer, it brings strong memories and emotions for Cecilia Horner. The annual winter competition gathers the best pianists ages 9 to 18 within 100 miles of Fort Wayne for the chance at cash prizes, scholarships to the summer Gene Marcus Piano Camp and Festival, and scholarships to attend Purdue University Fort Wayne.

Horner finished third in the Junior Division, made up of competitors ages 13–15, in 2016. It was the first time she had placed in a major competition. 

“That was a really big deal for me because I always felt like I was a step behind everyone else,” Horner said. “I played three pieces, and after I finished the gorgeous ending, I left the stage and started crying because it was so beautiful to me. That was the first time I ever cried after a performance in a good way. Like, `Wow, I did that!’ I felt like I was finally recognized for what I had put out there.”

Ever since, other pianists have been comparing themselves to her as more confidence pushed her further. Horner won the same division title the next year and the senior division crown in 2018. She also won the 2017 Hoosier Auditions State piano solo in the senior division, followed by the 2019 Hartman Stickley Memorial piano competition and this year’s Hoosier Auditions State piano solo title in the collegiate division.

Her accomplishments may read like steady progress, but Horner overcame challenges along the way. Facing burnout a few years ago, she stopped competing for a while, cut back on practicing, and focused work on her vocal career. Eventually, she transferred to PFW where she was able to reconnect with friends met during competitions and camps and start rebuilding her love of piano performing.

“It wasn’t an immediate switch,” she said. “I was not like, `Yes, I love piano again!’ It was a gradual process. I was dealing with a lot of stuff and going through a really hard time, so it took a while to really learn to love the piano again. It was probably over a year.”

Because she had been performing so well, part of that was dealing with her own expectations and those if others. It’s always difficult to beat previous performances, which often leads to beating yourself up. Getting better takes time and patience.

As Hamilton Tescarollo, interim director of music and director of keyboard studies, has told his students, it’s hard to please yourself because we are all perfectionists as performers.

“It should be more about personal growth and where I am in my personal journey with piano,” Horner said. “It’s just different for everyone where you are at, and that was important for me to realize.

“You have to be able to be critical of your playing and continue working to improve while recognizing that when you mess up, you are still worth something. Those mistakes do not define you. No one performance defines you as either a musician or a person. You have to find a healthy balance between the two, and a separation between you and your instrument. It took a while for me to find that, and it can still creep up from time to time, but reminding myself of that helps.” 

Part of the balance, Horner said, comes from finding new and old friends at PFW in the piano performance program to share connections and community with. Three piano performance majors graduated last year, and there are three remaining, including Christian Urizar and Serena Broxon. There’s a YouTube video of the three performing at the 2022 Gene Marcus Piano Camp. The camaraderie in the piano studio helped her mental outlook.

“It helps looking up to them and talking with them and seeing that we share some of the same struggles,” she said. “Knowing that you are not alone in that is really important.”

Horner is currently preparing for her junior recital this spring, which has not been scheduled.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved piano more. I’m in the best mental state I’ve been in my whole life,” Horner said.